Talking to Your Child About Addiction

As a parent, there’s probably nothing worse than seeing your children suffer. Of course you can’t protect them from all of life’s problems, but there are some things you can do to help them make better, safer choices. The most important task is just to talk with them; in this article, we’ll focus on ways to discuss addiction with your children.

Addiction? Really? Isn’t that a bit premature? After all, they’re only kids!

Sadly, being a kid doesn’t guarantee protection from anything. A recent survey by the US Department of Health and Human Services found that the average age for a child’s first use of alcohol is 11 for boys and 13 for girls. This is only an average, so that means people reported even younger ages for their first drinks. Another survey, published in 1998 by the NHSDA, reported that some children had their first cigarettes between the ages of 5 and 11. In 2010, a study by de Meer et al. in the Netherlands found that approximately 7% of boys and 5% of girls between the ages of 9 and 13 had already tried cigarettes.

These are only a few examples of substances that are technically legal for adult use (many consider alcohol and tobacco to be gateway drugs); but what about addiction to other substances (like marijuana, inhalants, or prescription drugs) or behaviors (like playing video games or stealing)?  Just like you’ve been helping your children with addition and subtraction problems to help prepare them for multiplication tables, long division, and algebra, you also need to talk with them now to help them navigate through both the early and later stages of life.

Now that you’re going to talk to them, what should you say? First, ask what they know about addiction, be it drugs or cigarettes or behaviors. They may not have learned anything yet, but they might know more than you expect. Let them know that they won’t get in trouble for talking to you about this, and give them room to ask as many questions as they want. Not only will this build trust, but it sets a great precedent for future communication.

Secondly, be honest. Let them know some of the reasons people use substances or continue addictive behaviors: because it feels good for a while or helps them mentally escape a bad situation for a bit. If you don’t tell them, they might be caught off guard and think you just weren’t well informed when their classmate or friend tells them about the high. So yes, tell them why people do it, but then explain why these substances or behaviors aren’t worth that good feeling: it only lasts for a little while, it can be harmful to their health, it can get them in trouble, it can cause problems with family and friends. The point isn’t to scare your children, but to be clear about the consequences of addiction.

Third, own up to your own issues with addiction if you have any. Children are aware of a lot more than we give them credit for, so they’ll see if your actions don’t match your words. Tell them (using child-appropriate vocabulary and analogies) what problems addiction has caused you, and also ask how they have been affected by it. Have they been sad or angry? Have they not been able to spend as much time with you as they would like? Let them know you want better for them now and in the future.

Finally, reaffirm them. Remind them how much you love them and how worthwhile they are. Children, especially very young ones, look to their parents for praise and the initial kick-starts to their self-esteem.  Whether they have problems with addiction or not, they need to know that they have value and wonderful qualities, especially in your eyes.