Talking to Your Teen About Addiction

Whether you suspect that your teen has a behavioral addiction or has been experimenting with drugs or alcohol, or whether you simply want to prepare your teen to make good choices in the face of increasingly stressful and seductive societal pressures, it is never too early or too late to talk with your child about addiction.

1. Don’t delay.  Don’t wait for the perfect opportunity to broach this difficult subject.  Waiting to talk to your teen about substance abuse, addictive behaviors, and related issues like disease and sexuality makes it more likely that they may be confronted with pivotal situations before they are prepared to handle them.  Don’t assume that your children will receive all of the information they need about addictive behaviors and substances in school.  As a parent, you are the most important influence in your child’s life; not saying anything at all is tacit permission.
2. Educate yourself.  Use websites like this one to learn the facts about addiction so that you can discuss the actual physical, emotional, and social consequences.  When you don’t know the answers to your teen’s questions, look them up.  Don’t rely on overly dramatic scary stories; teens can see through them.  Also, teach your teens how to use credible sources to educate themselves so that they can make wise, well-informed decisions.
3. Be transparent.  Be honest about your own addictions and past or present substance abuse.  Strive to be a good role model for your child.  No parent is perfect, but no teen will respect blatant hypocrisy.
4. Communicate your values.  While setting boundaries and communicating clear standards of behavior is an absolutely crucial part of parenting your teen, it is also important to explain why you feel the way you do.  Share your values with your children so that they will understand that you are genuinely interested in their happiness and not merely in controlling their lives. 
5. Be a good listener.  When dealing with a sensitive subject, it is easy to lecture or to become overly emotional and say things that you will regret later.  As difficult as it may be, seek to engage your teen in open dialogue.  Ask open-ended questions and really listen to his or her answers.  Treat your teen with respect, understanding that he or she is nearly an adult, dealing with the intense pressures of the adolescent years, and capable of moments of clarity and insight. 
6. Offer forgiveness and unconditional love.  When your teens make poor choices, forgive them and let them know that you will always love them because of who they are and not because of what they do or haven’t done. 
7. Continue to talk with your teens.  They need to hear the message about addiction from you over and over again.  According to a surprising study by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, although 98% of parents report that they’ve talked with their children about drugs, only 27% of teens say they are learning much about the dangers of drugs at home.  Whether your teen is struggling with drugs or other addictions, the message of this study is clear: in order for teens to really hear what you are saying, you need to find creative ways to maintain a connection with them and to communicate with them again and again.