Codependence

It can be relatively easy to find yourself in a codependent relationship with an addict, especially if you are the spouse or a blood relative.  If your loved one had a serious illness, you would do everything you could to lessen their pain and make them comfortable.   But addiction requires a different approach; in some cases, addiction will never end until the addict begins to experience the associated negative life consequences, especially the end of supportive relationships.

Codependence often involves one or more of the following factors.  Addicts may be drawn to people who will take responsibility for certain aspects of their lives like paying rent, for example.  A person in a codependent relationship with an addict may feel that the relationship is a crucial part of his or her identity even if it is causing him or her emotional, financial, or physical distress. They may feel angry with themselves or the addict because of the numerous unappreciated sacrifices that they have made, and they may experience guilt (feeling as if they are being selfish) when they try to express how the addiction is impacting them.  Finally, codependent people may seek out relationships in which the other person needs to be “rescued.” The person may have a need to feel valuable to others by helping them through a crisis.  Because we learn these types of behaviors from our parents in childhood, the children of people who are addicted to substances or behaviors marry other addicts with greater frequency than does the general population; these people learned to “rescue” and interact with their parents in this way and transfer this behavior to adult relationships.  To learn more about codependence and addiction, follow the links below.