Do-It-Yourself Interventions

DIY Interventions

For families who are unable or prefer not to hire a professional interventionist, arranging and facilitating an intervention on their own is the next best option. However, as those who have lived with an addict for months, years, or decades probably know quite well, spontaneous argumentative encounters with the addict often lead nowhere. For this reason, a do-it-yourself intervention should be thoughtfully planned to produce the best possible results.

Who

Carefully consider the value of inviting each person in the addict's circle. The addict will likely have a number of interpersonal conflicts; this does not necessarily warrant a person's elimination from the list. Ultimately, all attendees should have the addict's best interest at heart; in fact, that may be the reason for conflict in the first place. Anyone who has directly caused physical, sexual, or emotional trauma should not be present. People who are in codependent relationships with the addict should be divided into two categories: (a) those who enable the addict out of guilt from the past or fear of the negative consequences of addiction, and (b) those who enable the addict to have some control over the addict's choice. The former group usually comprises family and well-intentioned friends who are motivated by love; the latter group often consists of other addicts and/or significant others who are possessive and controlling, and are motivated by selfish interests. Obviously, members of the second group should not be explicitly invited, but also should not be turned away if the addict insists that they be present (assuming the person is with the addict when he or she arrives).

What

Once you have spoken with each person who will be attending, the entire group should meet at least once before the intervention.  It may be wise to schedule more than one meeting, especially if children or adolescents will be involved and adult topics need to be discussed at some point. This period of preparation can be crucial to a successful outcome. If not everyone in attendance gets along, lay some ground rules about the group’s interactions: stay focused on the addict and the future.  Designate someone who will greet the addict and moderate the discussion on the day of the intervention.  Ask each person to articulate their understanding of why the addiction started in the first place and how the addict is able to continue acquiring the substance. Everyone should write out their thoughts in advance, share them with the group, accept constructive criticism, and revise what they plan to communicate to the addict during the intervention.  Concrete plans for treatment should be made in advance; any length of delay increases the likelihood that the addict will change his or her mind after agreeing to go to rehab.  This includes an open discussion of who will pay for the addict’s program.  Additionally, it is important that everyone convey a unified message; make sure that all participants understand that, if the addict does not agree to the help offered, they must immediately withdraw all support.  For those who are hesitant, explain Why “Helping” Isn’t Helping.  Create a 2-column “action plan” for ways that the group will respond if the addict produces certain excuses  (Read The Top 10 Excuses for Avoiding Treatment) or reacts in shame, anger, fear, or other ways; distribute this plan to the group to study before the intervention, and remind people not to leave it in a place where the addict could find it.

When

Choose a day and time without any particular meaning; holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries (including anniversaries of trauma) should be avoided.  A weekend may be necessary to ensure that all participants can be in attendance.  Select a time of day when the addict is most likely to be somewhat lucid and more sober than other times; for example, mornings may be a bad time to confront an Ambien addict who is still groggy from the sleep aid whereas an alcoholic may be more prone to drinking heavily in the evenings.

Where

Be sure to choose a neutral location – a place that has neither positive nor negative associations for the addict.  Ideally, a private location will prevent the addict from creating a scene to distract from the real issue.  If possible, having the meeting near the rehab facility (or the airport if travel is necessary) can facilitate a smooth transition into treatment.  

How

1. Have someone with whom the addict is on relatively good terms invite them to the location “for coffee and hanging out.”  Make sure that you actually have coffee present (or lunch, or whatever else is promised); the addict will be quick to look for ways that they are being lied to or victimized.
2. Do not show signs of a gathering.  Have participants take the bus or park recognizable vehicles in a different area.
3. Arrive before the addict.  Call anyone who is missing and emphasize that their presence is necessary.
4. Check the environment for triggers – pictures or other objects that may cause the addict distress – and remove these items.
5. Review the group’s order for sharing their feelings with the addict; remind everyone of the importance of sending a strong, clear message that accepting help is the only option that will allow the addict to continue benefiting from his or her relationships with everyone in the room.
6. Allow everyone time to quietly regroup in the calm before the storm.
7. When the addict arrives, the moderator should greet the addict and explain that all present want to share something with them. Ask that the addict not interrupt because he or she will be given time to respond at the end.
8. The moderator should invite the first person to speak and thank them when they have finished. This process should continue until everyone has been given a chance to speak or until the addict seems ready to respond -either in the negative or the affirmative - to the offer of help over the alternative of continuing the addiction without the support of anyone present.
9. If the person accepts help, you can consider the intervention successful at this point. However, most confrontations will encounter some resistance. If at any point the addict feels overwhelmed and tries to leave, only the moderator should follow and privately discuss the addict's concerns. If the addict starts making excuses about why treatment is an unrealistic option, be prepared with counterarguments. And, finally, if the addict adamantly refuses help - and in many states, it is their legal right to do so (Read Legal Options for Helping Adult Addicts by State) - immediately begin implementing the plan to withdraw support and even call the police when appropriate. Sometimes the addict may assume that you are bluffing and may change their mind when they discover how lonely, hopeless, and difficult it is to survive without their loved ones; they may change their mind in a few days or even weeks so don't give up hope. 
10. Regardless of the outcome of the intervention, you may want to consider psychotherapy for your own benefit to aid your healing process and learn to forgive the addict as well as yourself.