Denial: “I Don’t Have A Problem!"

It’s unlikely that anyone other than family or friends of an addict would be interested in the topic of denial; after all, addicts who are in denial are equally unlikely to try to find information on an addiction-related website.  Although denial is frustrating for those in the position of observing an out-of-control addict, denial is an unfortunately common problem.  But instead of giving up on the situation, know that there are ways to deal with a person who cannot or will not recognize that he or she is addicted to a substance or behavior.

Understanding Denial

When confronted with difficult information, there are a number of ways that people can respond.  Denial involves minimizing potentially negative consequences related to the circumstances, ignoring related facts, or simply pretending the situation or problem does not exist. Some experts consider denial to be a healthy coping mechanism for short periods of time because it can give people an adjustment period to new, stressful life circumstances (like trauma, terminal illness, career problems, loss of a loved one, etc.) instead of forcing them to adapt immediately.  However, addicts often prolong denial far past the healthy period.

Why Addiction and Denial Go Hand in Hand

Addicts may not want to acknowledge the addiction because the addiction itself is helping them cope with another trauma; in this way, denial is another layer of “self-defense” against whatever past experience has been too emotionally difficult to resolve.  However, even if the addiction did not develop as a coping strategy, an addict may deny having a problem simply because they feel shame or are embarrassed that they can’t fix the problem without help.  In some situations, an addict may have persuaded themselves that they really don’t have a problem by imagining a different reality to which only they belong.  Other addicts may enjoy the attention that others give them because of the addiction, and denying it is simply a way to allow this to continue.  Some mental health problems (other than addiction) and certain addictive substances can also distort an individual’s perception of reality and convince them that other people are the real problem.

 “Yes, you really do have a problem.”

How can you help someone get past denial?          

• First, learn about mental health including addiction, and don’t try to cover up your loved one’s need for help because you are worried about social stigmas.  Although admittedly still present in some parts of the country, they are quickly fading; your support will be crucial to a complete recovery.
• Try to determine whether any of the above reasons for denial apply to the person’s situation.  For example, knowing that the person is still struggling with the death of a good friend can help you suggest appropriate resources.  Alternately, if you know that the person has been diagnosed with a co-occurring mental health problem, you may want to discuss the situation with his or her psychiatrist before proceeding.
• Stop enabling them.  Addictions thrive on co-dependence.
• Find a good interventionist or gather friends and family to do an intervention on your own.
• If despite your best efforts, the addict persists in denial and refuses offers to help with treatment, move on with your life – without the addict in it.  Addiction can destroy families.  Addicts are entitled to make choices about their own lives, but you do not have to put up with it.