Admitting and Accepting: Why It's Hard But Necessary

The first of the 12 steps used by Alcoholics Anonymous and other addiction support groups is to admit that one has lost control over one's use of substances or engagement in compulsive behaviors. But why does admitting play such an important role in the addiction recovery process? And, perhaps more importantly, why is it so hard to do?  How does acceptance factor in?

STEP 1: Admitting That You Are Powerless Over Your Addiction and That Your Life Has Become Unmanageable

In psychology, cognitive dissonance describes a mental state in which a person holds two beliefs that are in direct conflict with one another.  This conflict can produce a feeling ranging from mild discomfort to severe distress, depending on how much the conflict threatens our perceptions of our identity and how well we are able to justify it away.  In other words, cognitive dissonance often arises when the reality of who we are does not agree with who we thought we were or who we want to be.  Whether an individual’s self-perception is positive or negative can vary tremendously depending on the person; yet because many people develop their identities through their actions, it becomes difficult to admit that one’s behavior is not under one’s control.  In the case of addiction, addicts often justify their behavior by saying things like “I could stop if I wanted to,” or “I really need this extra dose because I’m in so much pain,” or “No one understands what I’ve been through.” 

Why “Admitting” Is Necessary

Until a person concedes that he or she is somehow wrong, the justification will continue.  Many times, people are not even aware that they are using justifications, especially when the behavior (like tripping on the sidewalk) is isolated and minor (“I’m not clumsy; they just need to fix these sidewalks!  What are my tax dollars for anyway?”).  But after a long period of time, it can become more difficult to “explain away” one’s errors although an addict may still be unaware that he or she is doing so.  Admitting is the first sign of awareness that a problem exists and must be fixed.

What Is Acceptance?

As a psychological concept, acceptance has come to mean a decision to recognize and release attempts to control reality.  In many instances, therapists help people to accept situations that are out of their control – circumstances that they are unable to change despite the desire to do so.  Accepting that you have a problem with behaviors or substances does not mean that you have to “like” it or be “okay” with it – nor does it take away personal responsibility for decisions that you have made.  It simply is an act of acknowledging the true ways in which your life (and the lives of others) has been affected by your addiction.

Can Others Help?

Although the addict only can take these steps toward personal transformation, family, friends, co-workers, and others can certainly encourage them along the way by being supportive or possibly setting up an intervention.  Specifically, an intervention is a way of showing the addict that everyone else sees the reality of their loss of control but loves them anyway.